The call of potential meaning, waiting to be fulfilled.
It seems that all my travels always end with a trip to Dana Farber Cancer Center. I’m tethered, always connected to the awareness of my own mortality.
This is nothing new, for me cancer and my Buddhist beliefs is a form of existential therapy, whose roots go back to the existential philosophers of the 20th century. I never planned it that way, it just seems to make sense that we all have the possibility, and responsibility, of deciding in each moment what to do and how to be, and that of course at least for me is my biggest struggle. Cancer is that double edged sword, the window of opportunity to understand, that gift to see mortality for what it really is, and yet the power it wields must be controlled, harnessed in order to unlock the vastness of human potential.
So when I go off on my journey’s, it’s always in the back of my mind that I’ll end up in the lab, blood drawn, waiting the hour or two for the results. Thumbs up or thumbs down. My comrades and I follow this ritual and in an odd way I imagine it as going to confession. Have I followed through with my responsibilities? Have I succeeded in realizing the possibilities?
Finding personal meaning in this experience gives me the will to live, for however long that is and have fun while doing it.