After The Flood - Big Tears and Shiny Bullets

After The Flood

One year ago I was on my new journey and studies in mortality.
Prostate biopsy,countless MRI’s and CT scans, Radioactive Dye IV’s and a Bone biopsy, Radical Prostatectomy, visit to the ER 2 days after surgery with blocked intestines and capping it off with six months of chemo and two months of daily radiation. Three weeks after my radiation treatment at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, I embarked on my 140 mile Adirondack Hike for Hope fundraiser for Dr. Paul Nguyen’s study on exercise curbing the side effects of radiation and chemo. “ He just won’t die” I would hear voices say. I’ve learned a lot in this last year, and so far have dodged my share of bullets. I’ve been through so much but so many others go through so much more, and yes it’s possible.

Big Tears and Shiny Bullets

Last month I went back to Boston to have my first lab tests since finishing chemo and radiation. 7:30 a.m. blood drawn. 8:30 a.m. meet with Dr. Eli Van Allen my oncologist. My mind was all over the place. I knew if my numbers were not good, then the clock would be ticking in the wrong direction for me. It would mean all I went through was for naught and I would be on a fast track to…hell.
Not a fun place to be, and of course it was not just me, it was my wife as well on this crazy ride.
Even though we waited all of maybe 10 minutes in Eli’s office waiting for him, it seemed like days.
I’m planning on getting back into music after I took a hiatus a year ago. Plans to go back into the studio and work on some previously recorded tracks I was excited about finishing. Funny how you think of those kind of things when your life is on a string. Eli finally came in , sat down and with a smile nonchalantly said  “All’s good .“ An anti climax if ever there was one. I mean hell, I was ready to  hear something a lot more bleak. I’ve shed a few tears since then, they seem to come out unexpectedly like confused children.
So I head back in February for a new round of tests, a new round of emotions, and that is life at the moment.
I am grateful for all that I have and hope I can give back what I’ve learned.