Dan SnyderComment

I Ponder.... The Hawk and I

Dan SnyderComment
I Ponder.... The Hawk and I

Back home for the weekend after only 4 days of radiation treatment. Got a call Friday morning that “ Red” was down. The machine that was calibrated specifically for me punked out and I was free to go home early. When you have aggressive stage 3 prostate cancer as I do, you become committed to getting it done, so even though to many it may seem a relief. For me it was… hell, this means one extra day added. That said I was relieved that it didn’t malfunction with me in it.

So it’s a cold rainy day in the “dacks”, and after getting in a few chores  in the morning before the rain, I’m sitting in my favorite chair . Claiming ownership to cancer has brought back many memories that have carved out the person I am today. Back in 1965 my family moved to a new school district. Without going into  too many details, my first day was, well…. not quite what I expected. I was 15. Not all 15 year olds had it easy and my life was already on  the precipice .

Waiting for the homeroom bell to ring I stood with 2 other newcomers to this strange place. Alone we stood silent, wondering what the the hell were we doing here. Out of the crowd of loud unwelcoming future white middle Americans came a face I’ll never forget. This guy was determined . Nothing gentle about his approach. Walked straight up to me, looked into my eyes and said  “ you dirty Jew “, and Bam ! Cold cocked me. I was a skinny long haired kid at the time but responded justly.  I should state  that the school I previously came from was predominately Jewish. I was not. We were both hauled down to the principal’s office and immediately suspended. Ah… my first day at school. My antagonist went by the name “ Hawk “. For the short time I remained at school I had to learn how to “ navigate “. The Hawk and I became friends. I learned a lot about dealing with adversity before and after this. How to embrace my enemies and allow them as well as I,  to see each others true nature, not the one that lives on the face but lives inside us all. Understanding and taking ownership of cancer does not seem so different from ones  life experiences. No matter how bad we feel we can not surrender to our cancers, give control  to the unexpected. Playing host to aggressive cancer is a giant learning curve that we can go to the sanctum , the well of life’s experiences and extract the essence to help our mind navigate these murky and turbulent waters. For me, so far the treatment has been fairly smooth, The side effects are minimal . I am really only 4 days into radiation and 6 weeks into hormone therapy, so just beginning . I am , grateful .